An Open Letter to Joppet Tan

screenshot_sexistDear Joppet Tan,

First off before we start this: Hi. I’m a feminist. Not the mythological one: some people tend to think that feminists want more privileges than men. I believe that every person is equal, as everyone is made in the likeness of God. Second: I am a Christian. Third: I’ve attended Victory Christian church services before. Also: congratulations on the new found fame/notoriety. I suggest you milk the 15 minutes while you can.

Ok, let me quit it with the colons and let’s do this.

So I deduce from the post you shared on Facebook (evidence above), a woman can vote, own her own company, become a powerful business owner providing livelihood to hundreds if not thousands of families, run for public office, rule the country, bring up and decide for the sake of her children (if she is a single parent; I am assuming you also believe that a wife must submit to her husband). But heaven forbid she asks a guy out.

Let me state, sir, that as a woman believing in women’s rights you have offended me with your words which I have decided are positively dripping with sexism. Let me count the ways.

“Women, you are meant to be pursued!”

Women are not trophies. We are not a concept. I am not a trophy. I am not some object on a pedestal in modest clothing and modest demeanor to be coaxed into a relationship. I am not made complete by an ideal of forced patience and misplaced, dictated “chastity”. I am a person with thoughts and feelings and passions and desires. I am alive. And I am a human being, of blood and flesh and beliefs just like you. And just like everyone else I want to be loved for who I am and not what I’ve not done.

“If you pursue men, you will pursue them for the rest of your life.”

Now I am not quite sure if you are really insulting women, or men. So men are insipid, shallow idiots that don’t see a woman’s qualities, her strength and bravery and confidence and honesty and open-mindedness, and instead think, “My goodness she is letting me know she likes me before I do! Ew, she’s not worth loving! She’s gross for life!”

It’s also apparent that chasing men are like drugs for women that when they start doing it they can’t change their minds.

“God designed you to be pursued and not the other way around.”


“Ladies, you are worth waiting for, so wait.”

Ladies, this is what we have been doing wrong all along! With our exes that we initially asked out, it’s not that deep down we were not really compatible, or that they didn’t value us (I thought those were just them being @**holes!), or that there were issues that we couldn’t work out, and it’s not that we’ve both just fallen out of love! It was our fault all along for not waiting! Stupid us! Finally we see the light. What a refreshing concept!


Thank you for letting us know what we already do, Captain Obvious. Everyone, even men are worth the wait.


Yes, we ask men out to immediately have a relationship with them and do dirty sex with them. We’re lustful creatures. We do not ask men out simply because we like what we know of them and would like to get to know them more. Nope, no chilling, straight to the dysfunction and the dirty, dirty thing.


Really? My value is dependent on how less of a slut shallow men think I am?

I am a Christian and I love God. But I have learned the little ways in how my view of God is different from yours.

My God is not a being who will force an imperfect human to submit to another imperfect human in an uneven “partnership”. My God is not a heartless monster who will make the very nature of someone to love another of the same sex then denounce and curse them for the need to do so.

I believe in a God of grace. I believe in a God of love. I believe in a God that loves all His children equally, no matter how He made them.

Let me leave you parting words from one of my favorite social commentators. Louis C.K. once said, “Don’t be an ***hole.”

Oh very sincerely,

Joanna Lynn Ong, @SuperLemonada